best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
