I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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