I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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