So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
