Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
