i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize