I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
