Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize