I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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