you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
