I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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