Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
