I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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