im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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