hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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