i think i have two assholes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
