just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
