He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
