make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
