He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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