Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
