just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
