I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize