you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
