like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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