I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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