The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
