first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
