I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
