Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
