oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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