JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
