I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
