for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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