How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
