omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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