I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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