you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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