Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
