Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
