We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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