If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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