A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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