Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
