it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
