I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
