You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
