GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
