Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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