Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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