i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
