shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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