There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
