I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
