Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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