i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
