you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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