I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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