You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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