she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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