I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
