First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
