im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
