my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
