Sry I called you an 8
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
