if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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