I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize