I want to stick my p in your. b.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
