can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
