I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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