Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
