I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
