I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize